Due to a several circumstances really coming together, I've had an unusually high number of people ask me lately: "What are you looking for?" About my relationships, my job, my life...everything. People are just dying to know what I'm trying to find. And I never know how to answer. With relationships, it really depends. If you leave me lukewarm, I'll probably say, "Just having fun." If I become smitten with you (usually because you are emotionally unavailable), it's a different story. Then I'm willing to look for something more serious. Because, of course, I won't find it. So, really, I don't know what I'm looking for at all. And who wants to hear that answer? I'm totally clueless as to what direction I want to move in with my employer. And the bigger picture is lost if you don't know what these first two are comprised of. Long Term Career Goals? Do I want kids? Will I ever own a home? Forget about it. Part of me says, You don't need to worry about these things yet, and another part says, We never got anywhere NOT worrying! Then the two parts fall to arguing, and I just leave the room to avoid the unpleasant scene.

I don't even know what makes me happy. If I knew this, at least I could just be a total hedonist and do what I enjoy. I mean, I know what makes me happy in the small sense. As to the big picture, however (a committed relationship vs. dating, a mindless day job vs. a real career, etc.), I'm lost. But I figure if I start with the small things, the other things should come clear eventually. So...more soaps, lotions and perfumes. More barettes. More pedicures. Less housekeeping. Less stress.

Eureka! I've found my path. I need to be independently wealthy, or a pampered treasure. It's so obvious now! If anyone knows an wealthy dowager (preferably childless, I don't want to have to deal with getting them written out of her will) who I could befriend and become confidant to in her final years, please drop me a line. Also drop a line if you are a rich fellow who won't mind pampering me with lovely treats, even though I crush on boys who work at Peet's coffee.

Of course, I'm only joking. The boys at Peet's are not my type anymore. But the serious thing is that I worry: If you don't know what you're looking for, how will you know when you've found it? I also wrote a new poem, click "More" below if you would like to read it.

Other Comments:
I'm bad
at this game:
Hide and Seek,
Push and Pull,
Hot and Cold.
Honey,
I'm hot
all the time.
Anyone
who knows me
can tell you.
That's why
I always lose
this game.

I might do better
if I played
harder to get,
but
I don't
play well
with others.