Dude, he's so busted. Ok, so I get this message from Carlo that says, "You posted our IM, don't I get copy rights?" And, for a moment, I feel sorry that he somehow found it. But then, in my, ahem, new gmail inbox, is this email from a gal. She met Carlo, too. And she was smart; she googled his handle. And...well, let's just say that some of this might sound veeeeeeeeery familiar to you. I'm still laughin'. And I don't feel bad no more.

bitchingirl (4:27:15 PM): sure
guy90026 (4:27:43 PM): but...women always say that size does not matter
bitchingirl (4:27:53 PM): well it does!
guy90026 (4:28:07 PM): are you sure?
bitchingirl (4:28:15 PM): Positive.
guy90026 (4:28:44 PM): oh
bitchingirl (4:31:03 PM): why are you asking me?
guy90026 (4:32:10 PM): i am sorry about my silly question something happened to me
bitchingirl (4:32:22 PM): Like what?
guy90026 (4:33:13 PM): i met this girl, she told me intimate stuff like favourite positions and all, but when i was at her place and saw me naked she kinda of made a face then she asked me to lie down and after taking off her underwear and her shoes she just sat on my face
bitchingirl (4:33:26 PM): lol
guy90026 (4:33:33 PM): i am serious
bitchingirl (4:33:38 PM): well you can't expect much from some one who isn't in it for love.
guy90026 (4:33:49 PM): she said she was too big for me
bitchingirl (4:33:57 PM): what a slut.
bitchingirl (4:34:01 PM): oh man
bitchingirl (4:34:02 PM): I'm sorry.
bitchingirl (4:34:59 PM): Size matters in a sense that the chick has to be able to feel something, otherwise... what's the point?
guy90026 (4:35:17 PM): i teach italian in private schools for adults i have been in la for about one month i was supposed to be apriest and i was in a monastery in italy before i have been her one month
guy90026 (4:35:28 PM): but i was hard and ready to go
bitchingirl (4:35:39 PM): Wait...
bitchingirl (4:35:48 PM): you went from Holy to holy shit really quickly
bitchingirl (4:36:17 PM): Anyway, she's just one girl out of a trillion
bitchingirl (4:36:43 PM): You could probably find a more compromising woman if you spent a little more time.
guy90026 (4:36:59 PM): point taken it is just that you know i kinda of wanted to have sex, as she sat i was a bit surprised at first i didn't do anything i could just smell her scent what followed was a long moment of silence
bitchingirl (4:37:23 PM): lol
bitchingirl (4:37:25 PM): you're funny!
guy90026 (4:37:48 PM): oh well, thank you
bitchingirl (4:39:11 PM): yeah yeah.
guy90026 (4:40:16 PM): at first i gave dry kisses on her big lips but she said that i needed to do more
bitchingirl (4:40:38 PM): Give big wet willies?
bitchingirl (4:40:52 PM): did you zerbert on her stomach?
guy90026 (4:41:30 PM): i appreciate your subtle vocabulary but i would prefer if you can explain the words you use since english is my second language
bitchingirl (4:41:55 PM): She could have been suffocating you for all she knew!
guy90026 (4:43:07 PM): it wasn't that horrible, i opened her big lips with my fingertips and with my tongue i hit on her clitty to get it out from its nest, just like she requested
bitchingirl (4:46:39 PM): I'm less interested in her big lips and more in the thing you wrote to me about to find out.
guy90026 (4:47:14 PM): i am sorry i lost you now
guy90026 (4:47:28 PM): what are you saying? can you write simple plain english
bitchingirl (4:48:13 PM): you must have a bad memory.
guy90026 (4:48:35 PM): can you make it simple for me, please
bitchingirl (4:50:50 PM): Okay. I'll make it really really simple.
bitchingirl (4:51:09 PM): Can you toss salad?
guy90026 (4:51:44 PM): i don't cook i usually eat out
guy90026 (4:52:18 PM): but what does this have to do with anything from before? when she started moaning i suggested that if she wanted she could have sat on my manhood
bitchingirl (4:53:23 PM): You shouldn't talk with your mouthful.
guy90026 (4:53:24 PM): she just whispered like " ssshhhh" but then suddenly she pressed her hips against my face and cummed on my face without even warning , i din't have much room to go because she made her legs strong, quite a mess
guy90026 (4:53:34 PM): you are funny
bitchingirl (4:53:36 PM): She wanted you to focus.
guy90026 (4:53:59 PM): hhmmm ok but...what about me?
bitchingirl (4:54:02 PM): Gigs up, and it's all over your face dude. It's like dripping down and stuff.
bitchingirl (4:54:07 PM): http://www.poethelena.com/archives/000101.html
guy90026 (4:55:19 PM): wow is that you ?
bitchingirl (4:55:25 PM): No.
guy90026 (4:55:49 PM): very nice
bitchingirl (4:55:49 PM): You could at least try to be a little more creative.
bitchingirl (4:56:00 PM): Not have some cut and paste dialogue that serves you over and over again.
bitchingirl (4:56:14 PM): How fun is that, really?
guy90026 (4:56:21 PM): but i had no idea
bitchingirl (4:56:57 PM): And how lame do you have to be to go around telling every female that will give you the time of day that your'e a monk with a small penis
bitchingirl (4:56:59 PM): who gives a shit!
guy90026 (4:57:16 PM): you are right
bitchingirl (4:57:25 PM): retard.
guy90026: now i feel like a miserable idiot
otherhandle: lol
otherhandle: You could at least do something normal.
otherhandle: Like go to bars and try to pick up drunk chicks.
guy90026: i am not that confident yet
otherhandle: You're not that clever either.
otherhandle: maybe that's a good thing.
guy90026: why would you think that ?
guy90026: why do you have two nicks ?
otherhandle: I have a lot of nicks.
otherhandle: it's so I can avoid queer ass folk like you
guy90026: that's kinda of lame just say i 'd rather you leave me alone
otherhandle: Nahhh, you're lame funny
otherhandle: I enjoy laughing at your pity attempts.
guy90026: well if you see it in that prospective than i am sorry i said nothing new
otherhandle: Adieu!
guy90026: if next time i should run into you again just say so