Adam has been using his Tivo-y thing to record episodes of Jackass for me, because before my boss was my boss, he appeared in many of their stunts. I get a huge kick out of seeing him stuffed in a bucket, and Adam appreciates this.

Tonight on the phone, he was relating one of the segments he had just recorded involving my boss, in which Johnny Knoxville is “testing” a cup. He has croquet balls thrown at it. He has several schoolchildren (many of whom have bad aim and pointy feet) kick him in the crotch. And, last but not least, he has a paintgun fired at it. My boss does some of the firing. Knoxville warns that if he shoots him in the leg, he’ll kill him. This man, who commands the respect of everyone in my office, proceeds to nail him right on the head. Yes, that head. And while Knoxville is doubled over in pain, fires one more—right into the leg.

However, Adam said that the schoolkid stunt looked particularly painful, as Johnny was repeatedly “taking it in the ‘taint.”

“The ‘Taint?!” I burst out laughing. “What the hell is that? Is that what you get kicked in when you’re wearing pantaloons?”

Adam is patient while I laugh myself breathless.

“Well, that’s what it sounds like,” I pant out. I sense that he thinks I’m missing something.

“Do you know what a ‘taint is?”

I hazard a guess. “Is it the thing between the balls and the…?”

“Yes,” he confirms.

“But I thought that was called a perin—”

Adam interjects, “Well, yeah, that’s its real name. But you don’t say he was getting shot in the scrotum or testicles instead of balls. Everything has a real name, and the name we call it.”

“So the thing in the middle is called a ‘taint?”

“Well yeah! Because ‘taint one thing and ‘taint the other.”

Oh.

My.

God.

I just die. I can’t believe how well I set that up. I can’t believe that Adam executed a punchline so perfectly deadpan. And I can’t believe that Johnny Knoxville, with the help of my boss, would allow children to kick him in that Land Without Borders to test a piece of sports equipment.

Boy, I can’t wait to see the kind of search results this entry returns in Google.