Blood and Guts: Helena Lazaro
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Things that make me feel better...
August 4, 2005 10:40 AM

Yesterday when I got home from work, I knew it was over, before we even talked. I had caught you lying, had confirmed what I already knew in my heart was true.

made me happy for 25 centsI took the drawings you left in my apartment and put them in a box, along with the presents you gave me for my birthday. I knocked down the pennies you left sitting on top of my doorjamb, one for every visit you made to my home. There were little green arcs of corrosion where they had been touching the wall. I put your toothbrush in the trash. The only time I flinched was with the plastic rings. You used to buy me a ring whenever you went to the grocery store. I saved them and started a necklace. Each one of those rings was a happy time for me. So it made me sad to hold them again and look at them one last time. To know I didn't even hug you goodbye the last time I saw you.

I wonder if I should keep these things or not. If I throw them away, like I did with Noah's things, there will be no trace of you. But if I keep them, will I see them when I go through my box of memories...and feel the betrayal I feel now?

Then I wrote you an email, that was much less nice than the talk we had last night. I made you accountable for all of your lies. And I sent a copy to the ex-girlfriend you've been seeing behind my back, exposing the lies you told to her when you were together, and the lies you are telling her now. I also copied the other girl you screwed over. Then I posted it on my site (though not the front page), and sent a link to your best friend, in case he wanted to look at it. The subject line of the email was "Hell Hath No Fury," and I think that about sums it up.

MineThere is a small part of me that really wants to feel bad about this. There is a tiny voice that says it was wrong, that I should not have sunk to this level. But there is a much bigger part of me and a much louder voice that says liars deserve the worst of everything. Especially when they hurt people who are good to them. And I believe those women deserve to know the truth, just like I deserved to know the truth. But since you won't give it to them, I will.

This morning, I didn't have to fold my towel in thirds so that it would fit on the rack next to yours. I spread it out, nice and wide.


More dudes suck, ranting, why i need therapy
Comments

One hell of a woman. Remind me never to cross you!!!

Posted by: Mikey on August 4, 2005 02:32 PM

Awesome!! Maybe someday I'll do the same, right now its baby steps for me.

Posted by: Erika on August 4, 2005 03:07 PM

Wow Helena, that takes resolve. Good for you!

Posted by: David` on August 4, 2005 07:46 PM

You guys are awesome. Thanks for saying those things, and not "Helena, you petty bitch."

Ha!

I've also gotten several emails and messages from people who related to these last two posts, it makes me feel so much better.

It sucks, but it won't suck for long.

Posted by: Helena on August 4, 2005 09:14 PM

Not much to say but -- sorry you're hurting. It's weird how you can respond to someone's writing, to someone you really don't know. But I already feel that you deserve better than this guy.

Posted by: Neil on August 4, 2005 11:58 PM

Thanks, Neil. I can't believe how much people have responded to this.

I do deserve better, it's just that sometimes I forget. I attribute qualities to people that they don't merit.

Posted by: Helena on August 5, 2005 02:47 AM
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