Blood and Guts: Helena Lazaro: Helena, the Flake

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Helena, the Flake

August 10, 2005 11:19 PM

Dear Friends,

I'm sorry that I say I will come to your house/party/night out and then cancel. I'm also sorry that I usually don't pick up my phone, and take forever to return calls. It's not because I don't like you. I like you, very much.

It's because, well, I'm a little afraid of people. And being obligated to be places. I will go through phases where all I really want to do is hole up and read, or watch movies, or make things. When I am in that mode, it's hard to push past the anxiety and resistance to force myself to be a social creature.

Friends! Tonight was a good example. I was supposed to go to a bar and meet several great bloggers. I was excited. I got ready. I even did my hurr. But then I procrastinated until I could tell myself it was too late to show up. Granted, this has been a bad day--it's been a bad week, really--but still. I'm disappointed in myself. I passed up the opportunity go to see what Neil and Pauly D. look like in person!

So, I just wanted to take a moment to let all my friends (old and new) know that I appreciate how they keep inviting me out and including me, even when I am a flake and a jerk-wad. I enjoy your company very much. It just takes a little extra push to get me out the door sometimes.

Thanks for that.

More why i need therapy

Comments

We still love you, although I was looking for you all night! I found meeting other bloggers a little weird, anyway. I'm so used to interacting with them in words, that seeing them in real life made me nervous.

Posted by: Neil on August 11, 2005 12:55 AM

We are way too much alike. I thought that I was the queen of flaking. I much prefer to hide in my cave – but people still love me – and they will still love you too. It’s our winning personalities you know 

Posted by: Marina on August 11, 2005 08:37 AM

Neil, I was really very excited about it. I just got so nervous in the end that I couldn't do it! Maybe if I carpool with someone next time, I will have a better chance of making it.

And Rina of all my friends, you were the one that pushed the most when I needed the most. I still remember when we first met, how reluctant I was to get into a relationship with someone new--even a friendship.

I am so glad you did!

Posted by: Helena on August 11, 2005 09:48 AM

Helena-
I'm glad I'm not the only recluse who feels guilty about being lame sometimes. Wait, not that you're lame...you know what I mean. I've felt the way you just described a lot lately.

Posted by: shane on August 11, 2005 12:53 PM

Man, I've been in exactly the same mode for the past couple of weeks. And it's a mode I go into frequently. Hidey mode. These days when the phone rings I want to pull a blanket over my head.

Totally feel what you're saying.

Posted by: Tina on August 11, 2005 01:21 PM

I'm so glad that you guys relate. It makes me feel much better!

And you know, people are always a lot more accomodating than I expect them to be. They understand these phases are part of an artist's temperament. ;)

Posted by: Helena on August 11, 2005 02:28 PM

I missed that get together thingie as well.

What will it take to get you out to play some dodgeball?

:-)

Posted by: JM on August 11, 2005 06:09 PM

i always flake on people. i DO want to hang out... then i smoke some bowls and realize i'd rather get into pj's and watch TEEN TITANS.

Posted by: ramon on August 11, 2005 06:37 PM

Haha! JSto came to see me. That's rad. I feel like I know her. I wish I'd had some little cakes to offer her, but I just had this whiny blog entry!

Dodgeball. I am so uncoordinated that I think my presence would be best-used to sabotage the opposing team :) It sounds like so much fun, though...

Ray, that sounds like a pretty frickin' great night. Who doesn't love watching cartoons after a toke? Throw in an ice cream sandwich and I'm all over it.

Posted by: Helena on August 11, 2005 11:41 PM

mmm...ice cream sandwich.

Posted by: shane on August 12, 2005 08:30 AM

Helena... I think you have yourself a little party to throw; some cartoons, a joint or seven, and a variety of ice cream sandwiches...

Posted by: David on August 12, 2005 11:50 PM