I just had the most ass-kissy fortune cookies ever. I mean, a serious co-dependent must have written these. I got four of them from the Thai place the other day and just today cracked the last. Each strip of paper was more ingratiating than the last…
#1You will find much fulfillment with someone special very soon
Wow, I’d never gotten a fortune like that. I regarded it as an omen. I looked at the numbers on the back and considered going down to the liquor store to play them in the lottery. But I had other plans. So I just said I’d remember to check the winning numbers the next day.
#2 You and your love one will be happy in your life together
Well! My love one! I’m starting to see a pattern here. Could it be that a healthy relationship is finally about to come a knockin’ on my door? But how strange. Two in a row like that, so glowing, so…falsely reassuring. They smacked of insincerity now.
#3 Where your treasure is, there will your heart be also
What? What does that mean? That doesn’t even make sense. What is my treasure? Is my heart where the treasure is, or is the treasure where my heart is? I mean, that makes more sense. Either way, I found it extremely despicable on their part to promise me love and fulfillment (and apparently treasure) when they could assure me none of these things. It’s absurd! How could they possibly, I mean…
#4 You are an interesting and attractive subject.
…oh, well. You know, I’ve always believed in these things, in a weird kind of way. Almost eerie sometimes how dead-on they are. Lemme just tuck these into the wallet…
I’ve got to remember to pick up plenty of extras next time I get takeout.
More random
All fortune cookies suck. They're written by eunuch Oompah-Loompahs in San Francisco who get left out of all the gay parades.
Posted by: Joshua Minton on August 30, 2005 04:42 AMWhat's up with you, Joshua? You didn't get the prosperous future Helena got? ;o)
Guess you gotta know where to get your cookies (where u get'em Helena, can I order 'em over the internet, you think?)
...in bed.
Posted by: bill on August 30, 2005 07:14 AMCan you tell me what Thai restaurant? I need to work on my self esteem.
Posted by: AJ on August 30, 2005 09:00 AMYes, AJ! I got them at Pattaya Thai Restaurant on Vermont, just North of Hollywood. They're in the strip mall with the Jewish Center and the Nail Salon.
Awesome Pad Thai.
Joshua, I think you're right! I give them an A for effort, though. No wait, no I don't. F for effort.
Rarity, I forgot to look at the company. I'll check and then we can split a bulk order of 300.
Ha! Bill, I totally thought that with them. Especially the first one. "SOON" was the key word there. I can only hope.
Posted by: Helena on August 30, 2005 09:53 AMInsincere perhaps, but I prefer a fortune that takes some chances and predicts...something...instead of an aphorism or statement.
Posted by: claire on August 30, 2005 10:28 AMThis is true. Nothing worse than a copout--in fortune cookies or otherwise.
It is unwise to wear a meat sling before a shark.
Well, thanks a lot! Confucius say jack shit, apparently.
Posted by: Helena on August 30, 2005 11:21 AMSorry to have to be the one to point it out (being just second hand in English, and all), but it's not F for effort (nor is it A) Effort is spelled with an E... (;o)
But seriously, there's something wrong with the picture, are you sure the lucky cookie is not up side down?
PS! now that you have all this greatness coming so very SOON, you probably shouldn't jinx it by putting in the bulk order for us. I'll just sit here, by the dock of the bay "watching the wheels go round and round" (figured you might be sick of grinding on the killing me softly by now...)
Posted by: rarity on August 30, 2005 11:37 AMWho takes four fortune cookies? There are children in Africa who could really use some "treasure," or a self-esteem boost for that matter.
Posted by: justin on August 30, 2005 02:42 PMOk, first of all, they GAVE me the cookies. Because they like me, and I deserve them.
SECOND, Mr. Smartypants, I never took the COOKIE for granted. The cookie was perfect and delicious.
However, I would love (pay) to see you hand a starving African kid a slip of paper that says:
"Good times are on the way!"
and tell him to buck up. :P
Rarity, you're right, let's not jinx it just yet. I've got a pot on the stove that I'd like to keep cooking just a bit longer. And jeez, these songs all make me wanna kill myself!
Posted by: Helena on August 30, 2005 08:56 PM
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