Blood and Guts: Helena Lazaro
« Previous entry: What a Tramp. | Next entry: Best Blog Ever »
Sharing the Nightmare
September 9, 2005 01:13 PM

So this is effed up. Skip this post if you want laughs. Try here instead.

Last night I had the worst nightmare I’ve had in months. Maybe years. I woke myself up out of it so scared that I brought my butcher knife out of the kitchen and stashed it in my nightstand. Then I sat in bed with the light on and strained to hear everything. The last time I remember looking at the clock, it was 5:30am. I must have fallen asleep.

I won’t tell you all about the dream, because a)AJ says not to (there’s no sex in this one) and b)I don’t want to scar you with the awful image that came out of my brain. I had to tell someone, so I told Mr. X this morning. It even freaked him out, and he's kind of a hard ass. Ok fine, I’ll tell you if you really want to know. But it’s disgusting and disturbing, and you will be unhappy that you read it.

It makes me worry that something so gruesome and violent came out of my subconscious. How can I be that afraid? Of what? I’m a strong believer in dream analysis. Whenever I dream about my teeth falling out, it’s because I want to say something I can’t. I survived an attack years ago, and did have nightmares as a result, but they were very specific, and this was nothing like them. What the fuck does this one mean?

The worst part about this awful nightmare is not that I had it, or that I was completely paralyzed with fear in my own bed. It’s that I feel ashamed of it. If these images came from my own mind, I feel like there are darker depths there than I ever imagined. What else is in there, waiting for me to fall asleep? And what does it mean? Do others dream these awful things?

mmmm? mmmmmm.UPDATE: Deadpan jostles the recollection that cracks my mystery. And I vow never ever to watch The Dark Crystal, lit, before bed again. The Skeksis stripping Chamberlain scene scared me as a kid, and obviously has pull to this day.
.


More poetry, why i need therapy
Comments

I had a nightmare the other night, too. Like you, after waking I spent the majority of the night jumping at every sound. My brain even concocted a few noises just for giggles. I'm at a loss when it comes to deciphering the night terror, but I think I should stop watching "Taradise" before bed.

Posted by: Deadpan on September 9, 2005 02:08 PM

I unfortunately do not know how to decipher dreams - But I hope that it does not become a nightly thing for you. That would be too much

I very rarely have scary dreams but when I do, it is always the same one. Wonder why that is?

Posted by: Jewels on September 9, 2005 02:49 PM

Dude! I think you may have solved at least a part of the mystery.

Things NOT to do before bed:
Get loaded and watch The Dark Crystal.

Skeksis are fucked up, man.

Posted by: Helena on September 9, 2005 02:50 PM

Jewels,

I hope not too! I can not survive on four hours of sleep nightly!

Does your recurring nightmare have any basis in an event from the past? Are there Gelflings in it?

Posted by: Helena on September 9, 2005 02:52 PM

Yeah, never take dreams literally, or to have a deeper meaning.

My recurring nightmare is that I realize I've shot a cop -- and my life is over. I flee, and don't care who gets in my way. I always wake up scared shitless... not exactly my personality in those dreams. But, as a writer, you often have to get inside other people head... and sometimes these sorts of dreams help conjure up emotions you never would from "real life".

Posted by: Unsomnambulist on September 9, 2005 03:03 PM

LOVE the Dark Crystal, but I too was scared by the stripping-of-Chamberlain scene.

I am still haunted by his whiny "MMMMmmmMMmMMMmmmmm".

PS-- Dark Crystal sequel in the works. w00t.

Posted by: AJ on September 9, 2005 07:28 PM

Remember what's great in that dream: you got away. That's the seed of lucid dreaming. You can always change your dreams if they upset you. I got the hang of it when I was pretty young, but generally it seems better to resolve the problem within the dream. I used to wake up from nightmares and then be right back in them if I fell asleep again. If in the dream, you can kill off/put in jail/disarm/outwit your enemies or save your friend, it will become easier to make a nonsequitur leap to something pleasant or neutral. Or even just tell yourself you're dreaming and you're fine and decide to dream something else while asleep. It's a semi-conscious state sort of like when you're mind is wandering as you fall asleep. You're not awake but your conscious enough to know you're dreaming. Anyway I hope that helps more than just sounding crazy... the main thing is that you have to believe you can control your dreams.

Posted by: claire on September 10, 2005 11:04 AM

Unsom, you're saying you're NOT a natural-born cop killa'? I had you pegged all wrong, I guess.

AJ, you are a nerd after my own heart. Did you know they made a Kira and Jen doll set a couple of years ago?

Claire, on a couple of occasions I've had that presence of mind in my dream to realize it's a dream and get in control. That was a great feeling. You're right: even though in this one I couldn't make the landscape change or the awful things stop happening, I was able to find an escape and then wake myself up.

Now if I could just fine-tune it, John Turturro would be my love-slave at last.

Posted by: Helena on September 10, 2005 02:27 PM

I've always found dreams fascinating. And yes, sometimes I too find it shocking to see the images we are capable of putting together. I can imagine the terror of your recent self inflicted "experience".

But I think you should not read too much into it. Dreamland has it's own logic, I think, and the images are put toghether of stuff we've seen, read or heard about. Maybe to make a point and maybe not...

Why we do it, or even if it has any significance at all, is a mystery to me.

Posted by: rarity on September 11, 2005 02:00 AM

I think that one of the girls on The OC looks like one of the puppets from The Dark Crystal.

Posted by: bill on September 12, 2005 06:52 AM

It is quite a mystery. I enjoy dissecting them to try to find out what each one means. But then again, I think I enjoy dissecting everything.

Bill, I think that if they replaced the entire cast of that show with muppets, I'd be much more compelled to watch. Sad? Probably.

Posted by: Helena on September 12, 2005 10:53 AM
Post a comment
Name:


Email Address:


URL:


Comments:


Remember info?



THIS PAGE POWERED BY MOVABLE TYPE AND DIET PEPSI