Man. Have I got a good one.

I almost don't want to tell anyone because I'd like it to be sort of my secret little corner bar with inexpensive drinks. I don't want the hipsters all mobbing it. But I figure that a)the hipsters aren't reading my lame blog and b)all good things deserve to be enjoyed by as many as possible.

Cookiebitch is the funniest blog I've read in ages. Maybe ever. Normally I feel shitty for slacking on posts during the weekend. But you've got plenty of reading to do over there.

The spirit of the posts is summed up neatly (no surprise there, coming from a former editor) on the About page:

"Cookiebitch is named for a woman I once heard about - a CFO of a company who suffered from Turette's Syndrome. During the middle of board meetings or important negotiations, even in the elevator, she'd often shout out 'COOKIEBITCH!' as a result of her disease.

I have sometimes wished I could be that woman - to be able to just scream 'COOKIEBITCH' at the most inappropriate times, just to see people's reaction. It's tiring to always wonder if what you're saying is going to offend someone. Everyone is so sensitive in today's society, no one says what they mean anymore. Instead, most say what they think you want to hear.

Blogs are kind of like screaming 'COOKIEBITCH' in church. It's a way to liberate yourself and say what you want, instead of what other people want to hear. It's a chance to be inappropriate, blunt, vulgar and rude. And god knows we all need a place to do that. If we had to be polite, appropriate and nice all the time, our brains would shrivel and die or we would simply explode from all the pent up 'COOKIEBITCHES!' inside."

Is that beautiful, or what? Some of my favorites moments so far...

Describing the baby shower experience from my own point of view in Get Those Tiny Shoes Away From Me:

"There's a lot of hormones, a lot of crying and hugging and biological clocks ticking. Talk almost always revolves around enemas, spinal blocks and vaginal tearing. A few of us non-mommies take refuse in a corner, unable to relate to the conversations of the veteran mommies, who swap stories about boogers and vomit, binkies and breast feeding. One of us non-mommies, most likely me, may even bring a flask to try to numb us from the deluge of baby talk."

And, on the disturbing phenomenon of mannequin nipples in Reach for the Sky:

"These damn plastic women with plastic perky nipples just piss me off. Both their nipples point north at all times, without padding. At this point in my life, that will never happen. Each nipple is on its own satellite system now, pointing wherever the hell it wants to independent of the other. Yet they still never point north. Even laying down, they won't point north ... opting instead to point east and west."

I'll stop now. In spite of my better judgment, I just had to share this gem. And I can't even take all the credit. Thanks to The Factory Floor, for having discerning taste.