For some reason or another, this subject came up earlier today when I was chatting with Mr. X. I think it started because we were talking about eyebrows. If you’ve ever met me (and pissed me off), you know I give a mean ass eyebrow. Apparently, he can’t move his brows independently. But he can flare his nostrils.
I was just thinking that, aside from the eyebrows and being able to move my scalp (which actually grosses out people more than it impresses them), and picking up things with my toes, I’m kind of at a loss when it comes to party tricks. Oh, and I learned to put on lipstick using only my cleavage in my high school drama class (your tax dollars at work!), when I played Claire in our recreation of that skit from The Breakfast Club.
But I’d always wanted to be able to blow air through my eyelid. Or wiggle my ears, hum through my nose, pop something out of its socket. Mr. X says he can put his whole fist in his mouth. I’m not sure if I believe him. I used to be able to put both feet behind my head. But after the time I got stuck that way once for almost a minute, I stopped trying it.
I can’t even tell jokes. I never remember them. I screw up the punch line. I know one joke that I remember from like the 3rd grade. It’s the knock-knock joke with Banana and Orange. Ask my mom how many times I made her do that joke with me. She freakin’ hated it. Every time I started up, you could immediately hear the exasperation and exhaustion in her voice, “Banana who?”
The only thing I’ve ever been good at doing at parties is holding a drink, smoking a cigarette, and making out. And while it did the trick at 16, I don’t think that’s the kind of popularity I think I should be embracing at 26. I need some new tricks, now. I'm open to suggestions.
More desires
Be careful what you wish for. When I was sixteen, I dislocated my ankle in Tae Kwon Do class. Ever since, and usually at an inopportune time, POP! there it goes. Hurts like a sunuvabitch, too, until you pop it back in. I'd say it's happened a good three hundred times, no kidding, but it's been a couple of years since the last time, knock on wood. Wierd thing is I can play sports and such, no prob, but on the way to my car afterwards, lookout! Pretty embarassing. I think it's God's way of talking to me.
i stopped reading after you described applying lipstick with your cleavage. can someone tell me how the post turned out? /drool
Posted by: brando on September 13, 2005 06:10 PMUm, brando, you missed out on the feet-behind-my-head bit. Go back. Read. Enjoy. Rest. Repeat.
Helena-- I bet you could, with practice, learn to tie a cherry stem in a knot with your tongue.
Sweet jeebus that's hot.
Ok... need to go...
Posted by: AJ on September 13, 2005 06:33 PMHey! AJ! I forgot about that one. I can totally do the cherry stem. In about three seconds flat.
Awesome.
Eddie, can you do it on command? That sounds painful indeed...
Brando, I'm thinking of making a single solitary vlog documenting the lipstick party trick. I'll let you have the sneak preview.
Posted by: Helena on September 13, 2005 07:23 PMThere's always the trick where you remove the top joint of your thumb.
Is the catch that you're encountering the same people at these parties? A good left/right eyebrow wiggle usually works for me... maybe the key is to only show it off to one or two at a time. (or not encountering other people who can do it ;)
Posted by: claire on September 13, 2005 08:11 PM"I can totally do the cherry stem. In about three seconds flat."
You uh... um... three... uh...
sorry. speechless.
Seems like you can do lots of stuff woman! All I can do is pass out in my own vomit.
I do like lighting drinks on fire. People are always impressed with fire. Only problem is, if you do this often, you may not have any eyebrows left to move.
Posted by: cookiebitch on September 14, 2005 06:29 AMI have this one cool trick where I can think REALLY HARD about someone's ankle dislocating and it actually happens. Unfortunately it's tough to control exactly WHO it happens to. I've probably tried it 300 times or so, but I've never actually been able to witness the end result.
Posted by: bill on September 14, 2005 06:57 AMi think your new trick should be to tackle boys to the ground.
Posted by: ceity on September 14, 2005 09:14 AMThanks Bill.
Posted by: Eddie on September 14, 2005 03:42 PMOkay. I've got only one party trick, and because it doesn't work all of the time, I think it would qualify as a "Stupid" party trick! You can try it yourself, and play aloud .. (i.e. when I say start, speak the text outloud then click on the link below)..
Background. You need a piece of paper with only one thing on it - the numbers 1-4 well spaced.. like this....
1.....2.....3......4
Instruction. I'm going to ask you questions really fast. Answer them outloud really fast. And then read the next question. Don't wait to see if you are right (there is no right or wrong answer and I don't care what the answers are).
Start:
Who's the President of the United States?
Who's the Prime Minister of Britain?
What's your favorite sport?
What's your favorite TV Program?
What's your middle name?
What's 1 plus 1 ?
What's 2 plus 2 ?
What's 4 plus 4 ?
What's 8 plus 8 ?
What's 16 plus 16 ?
What's your favorite vegetable?
Pick a number between 1 and 4 ..
===
Okay. Finished.. You can go to this URL now ... http://1800HART.com/secretanswer/
(remember - I said it was stupid!) :D // HART
CB, passing out in your own vomit has a quiet dignity to it. If you do it early enough in the evening, before the flaming Dr. Peppers and table dancing.
Bill, your charm is surpassed only by your humanitarianism.
Ceity, I do think that I'd be at a distinct disadvantage for the physical tackle. But I've got the verbal tackle down pat.
Hart...Dude! It was *totally* carrots. That's freaky.
Posted by: Helena on September 15, 2005 12:25 AMOh that's good :-D But.. did you also pick 3?
Posted by: HART on September 15, 2005 01:40 AMoh wait. those last 2 entries destroys the myth and gives away the answers :( lol
Posted by: HART on September 15, 2005 01:41 AM
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