unfortunately, even with a disclaimer, a debriefing and a nice gift, the people will be hurt. even when they promise they won't. even when they say, 'no, really, i mean it. i'm okay with it.' even when it seems like they do mean it. even when...you get the idea.

that's been my experience, anyway.

Helena,

I've been an avid reader of your blog since the Worf Cover contest over at Nickerblog, and I have really enjoyed reading what you write. Would you like to buy shares in a blueberry farm? (Just kidding)

I have had a similar experience with a previous blog. There are things in my family we're not allowed to talk about, which drives me nuts. I posted stories and recollections, and then foolishly invited my sister to read them. I thought she'd get a kick out of the humour expressed, but she instead, became hystrionic and wouldn't talk to me for weeks (which, admittedly, had its advantages).

However, my mother and our other sister did talk to me--ad nauseum. In the end, I deleted the entire blog, just to shut them up. For six weeks, I felt bereft, but then I got rebellious, and started a new blog. I don't post about my family hardly at all, except my husband, who doesn't mind, and (from my perspective) I'm rarely funny, either. Oh, and none of them have the address, and won't.

So I wrote all that to tell you this: I understand completely.

Jen Neil

I think part of writing about read stuff is going to always bother someone. That's part of the job. That's why real writers end up lonely people sitting in a shack drinking whiskey by themselves.

I really like this post because I know the struggle myself. I find just giving people pseudonyms distracting when I'm writing. I'm not sure how to handle it (beyond not giving my blog address to my family), but I think you just have to keep writing. Maybe it takes a blog of complete anonymity to feel the freedom to post everything.

Brando, you're right about that. Passive Aggression seems to be the phrase that comes to mind...

Jen, thanks so much for reading and lending your experience. Your story sounds very familiar. Though my family has respected my creative license and never criticized me for writing about our personal lives, I know that some of them have been hurt by what I've said.

Neil, it concerns me that upon imagining myself, as a real writer, "sitting in a shack drinking whiskey" by myself, I felt a strange calm wash over me.

Claire, I find the pseudonyms IMMENSELY distracting. Besides, how can I come up with a name that rings as true as Alex Slagoski? The real names work. But when I force myself to change them, I type everything in Word (no fake names), Save, then do a Find and Replace for the names I'm changing. Makes it a lot less phony-feeling.

Just in the past week have I gone through the trials and tribulations of deciding what to post and what not to post. My "purge" post, aka burn post, went through many iterations because I didn't want to create a too-one-sided portrayal because a middle of the road one would ultimately be more influential. For a long time I thought I would can the entire post but I knew that that would only make me more upset.

Despite having lost the sh-tty mutual friend who was mentioned in passing in the post, I know I made the right decision by posting exactly what I felt. I suppose the only advice I'd offer is to really solidify your position in a way that no one can attack you for stating your side of the story. At the same time, take the middle of the road, I'm over you, high road sort of approach so that it does portray you being wronged, but being strong enough to not let him or her get away with it and not just an upset emotional person.

In the end you shouldn't lose sight of the fact that your blog is your voice. To suppose otherwise, to question whether silence is preferrable or to augment your talents would be to subjugate yourself to his/her will or to sanction what they did to you.

The real question is whether you're willing to deal with the possibility that a confrontation will be required to resolve this issue. But then again, isn't that why you wanted to post it in the first place?

This is tricky because you are NOT anonymous. So, pseudonym or not, these folks are going to know you're talking about them.

You could always start an anonymous blog if you feel the need to tell your stories for catharsis. But, naturally, you couldn't tell *us* about it.

My blog isn't anonymous either. As such, I haven't (and won't) post anything that someone else might find hurtful.

BUT, your blog is not self-serving cheesiness (like mine). Yours is raw and real and honest.

I say: fuck it. Just post. If you feel that your "subject" or "person" should get equal time, post their rebuttal. Otherwise, tough noogies.

PS-- I am still reeling from the title of your post. But I managed to stash my libido and read the whole post. You should be proud of me. ;)

Well, I guess there's a consensus!

Ceity, in the case of someone who would bail as a friend because of what I had to say, I guess I'd feel like maybe they weren't that good a friend in the first place. You make a good point.

AJ, I wouldn't call it cheesy ;) And I really like the idea of letting them have their say here. The only thing pseudonyms are good for is making sure people don't google themselves and find something I had to say about them. If they already know about the site, there is NO WAY I can fake it.

Here goes nothing.