Blood and Guts: Helena Lazaro: Lost it?

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Lost it?

September 29, 2005 10:56 AM

I often wonder if I'll ever be the writer I once was. Poetry used to be my language. How I made sense of the world. It used to come out even when I didn't want it to...in the middle of a dream, trying to take an exam, eating dinner. It was like having IBS. And I've been constipated for like four years. Some people say you have to write every day, you have to keep at it. You have to force yourself. But that's hard for me to comprehend, and it seems unnatural. I never forced anything. It was never a labor. All I can think of is that people who force it usually get 'roids.

And of course, there's only one person who can sum up exactly what I'm thinking about the whole mess. It's not what I want to hear, because it tells me to stop. But it's true, and I feel that I should respect it.

"So You Want to be A Writer"

if it doesn't come bursting out of you
in spite of everything,
don't do it.
unless it comes unasked out of your
heart and your mind and your mouth
and your gut,
don't do it.
if you have to sit for hours
staring at your computer screen
or hunched over your
typewriter
searching for words,
don't do it.
if you're doing it for money or
fame,
don't do it.
if you're doing it because you want
women in your bed,
don't do it.
if you have to sit there and
rewrite it again and again,
don't do it.
if it's hard work just thinking about doing it,
don't do it.
if you're trying to write like somebody
else,
forget about it.

if you have to wait for it to roar out of
you,
then wait patiently.
if it never does roar out of you,
do something else.

if you first have to read it to your wife
or your girlfriend or your boyfriend
or your parents or to anybody at all,
you're not ready.

don't be like so many writers,
don't be like so many thousands of
people who call themselves writers,
don't be dull and boring and
pretentious, don't be consumed with self-
love.
the libraries of the world have
yawned themselves to
sleep
over your kind.
don't add to that.
don't do it.
unless it comes out of
your soul like a rocket,
unless being still would
drive you to madness or
suicide or murder,
don't do it.
unless the sun inside you is
burning your gut,
don't do it.

when it is truly time,
and if you have been chosen,
it will do it by
itself and it will keep on doing it
until you die or it dies in you.

there is no other way.

and there never was.

-Charles Bukowski

More poetry

Comments

I used to take photos. Like a madman. Then, one day, I didn't have any more in me. So, no photos. For, like, 10 years. Then, in the spring, I suddenly wanted to take photos again. It was biological. Now I can think of nothing else; I sit in class, the prof talks about keeping non-capitalized leases off the balance sheet, I think about grain sizes and values and histograms and white points and maybe shooting black-and-white again.

So, I guess, I'm just saying don't judge your muse.

Posted by: Wade on September 29, 2005 02:17 PM

I agree that writing should never be forced. I think the best writers find a way to strike a balance between creating and living. How can we write about anything, unless we experience something?

Helena - Is this Little Debbie chick and her swiss cake rolls what you meant by good juju?

Posted by: Eddie on September 29, 2005 03:54 PM

I don't buy all that. I am guessing Bukowski had so much talent he bored himself with what he could do. I still like the old saying 1% inspiration, 99% persperation.

Posted by: Batonga on September 29, 2005 03:54 PM

Wade, I hope you're right, The last year or so has been much better for writing. But only because I keep breaking my own heart.

Eddie, I see you received your Good Juju package. Yes, a fine lady and baked goods...what more can a man ask for? I guess beer. And TV. And...ok, he could ask for a lot more. But that doesn't mean he'll get it.

It's Batonga! Cool, I am happy to hear people detracting from this theory, as it serves my purpose much more conveniently. Always good to hear THAT kind of thing.

Posted by: Helena on September 29, 2005 04:59 PM

can i do it if i want men to hop in my bed?

Posted by: ceity on September 29, 2005 06:49 PM

I do not buy that at all. Many great writers talk about needing discipline in their craft. In any craft for that matter. One book put it like this: inspiration is like catching water in a bucket when it starts to rain, but if you put the bucket out every day without waiting for the rain to start, you'll get more water. And even stranger, when you do that, it rains more often. I've found this to be true of inspiration.

Last winter, when I sat down and really started working on a piece for hours everyday, pouring over my words... I got hooked on it, and what I knew more than anything was that I had to do it to get better at it.

I'm not sure blogging has improved my writing though. Sometimes posts would be better with more deliberation and editing, but I feel a need to produce and stay current.

Maybe ask yourself what it is you want to say and then consider what medium and time frame would suit the piece and you best.

Posted by: claire on September 29, 2005 08:52 PM

Wow.. Claire said that really well.....

Posted by: Batonga on September 30, 2005 05:59 AM

Yes, she most certainly did! The idea of the bucket makes it easy for me to analyze this. I think the problem is I'm catching a few drops and excitedly pulling the bucket back in to spill them out. I think I need to wait a little while longer and let it fill up before I pour it out, instead of using it up as it trickles in.

Posted by: Helena on September 30, 2005 10:33 AM