there's nothing hotter then an older woman, who where's short skirts, has a HUGE pussy, AND an obvious pee fetish. i think i'm in love! i would love to go hiking through her giant vagina like i was an explorer taking a trek thru the rainforest. do you think she would have a problem spraying her piss all over me? that'd be super hot! helena, please please please score me a date with wonder-woman! thanks.

Well, it's hard to follow that first comment, but your theories are so awful (not the writing, the experience- oh, you know what i mean) yet vivid that I bust out laughing.

I sympathize. We had co-ed bathrooms in college.

Kornacki, you sick bastard. I should have known this would be just your kind of kink. If you promise to have a chat with her (or maybe just send her a link to this entry), I will see what I can do.

Claire, I'm glad you find humor in my pain :P I figure we may as well get a laugh out of this kind of thing...

"horrible, enormous vagina" made me literally laugh out loud.

Fantastic!

I think between the two of us, we have about a dozen posts about bathrooms and/or urine.

Go us!

maybe she's some sort of mutant alien with a directional vagina that whips around like a garden hose when too much pee is rushing through it

i don't understand women like that either. haven't they been peeing their ENTIRE lives? you'd think at her age, she'd have mastered it.

"piss-poor potty habits"- ha ha- love the pun.

;) sizz

Even if she must spray it all over the place, she could at least wipe the seat after...
Even if noone sits down on it, it should still look nice!

Excellent (if a bit disgusting) writing here Helena!

Did you actually go in there and take photos?

maybe she has a penis...

maybe it's a custom where she comes from to leave a nice warm soothing layer of urine...

You're so judgemental, Helena...

oh yes! all hail public humiliation for pissers.

That's hilarious.

Sometimes, when I'm feeling like I want to piss someone off, I'll turn to the guy pissing in a urinal next to me and spray some on his leg.

But that's only if I'm drunk or something, so it's not the norm.

That's a tough as nails nickname.

AJ, we definitely think about shit too much.

Ceity, I found the name of that thing I told you about: Wacky Wiggle Water Toy.

Sizz, totally, not like she hasn't had enough practice!

Rarity, I aim to disgust ;)

John K, "warm layer of urine" will haunt me all my days...

Boxen, I agree. The Scarlet P.

PD, I love this Drunk PD side of you...tell me more!

Dan, you know it. That's why nobody, NOBODY fucks with me.

As (I'm assuming) the token over-45 writing here, I wonder why there's the anxiety over a 55-year-old woman's bladder habits and sartorial choices. I'm assuming there's no other bathrooms in nearby buildings or on other floors for you to go to.

When I came to Hollywood in 1988 with the usual case of starry eyes and lack of understanding the nature of the Industry, I did some PA volunteering at the American Film Institute for the first-year fellows' half-hour videos.

Most of the AFI fellows I remember haven't been heard from since (though I'm sure they've all found jobs they're happy with within or outside the Industry). But two of them-Anne Garefino (I remember her from those days as truly a class act), producer of Matt and Trey's SOUTH PARK and recently signed to a deal on your lot and cinematographer Wally Pfister (another class act who usually works for Christopher Nolan)-managed to Make It in the business.

They were in their late 20s when they were AFI fellows.
And, in those days, there were actually AFI fellows who were (gasp!) in their 40s and 50s.

I don't know if you're subscribing to the Industry bullshit about 55 being truly retirement age and how 55+ writers, producers and directors know Nothing about young people's tastes. This myopic crap usually stems from thinking that a fiftysomething's sometime lack of understanding of current filmmaking grammar overrides the fact that his/her childhood/young adult experiences DO have a certain commonality with children/young adults of today no matter what the current advances in technology (or changes in accepted social/sexual mores) are.

In short, I think the meant-to-be-hilarious piss story hides some anxiety over Where You Are at 26 and fear of Where You'll Be at 55.

Anne Garefino didn't get the Big Break with Matt, Trey and SOUTH PARK until she was in her 30s. Nearly a decade later, I shudder at the possibility that youngsters jockeying for more prominent creative Industry positions think of 30 as a "deadwood" age if one hasn't Made It by then.

In closing, forget about how people piss in urinals (and how poor their hygiene is). Just do your work, learn from everyone regardless of their age and don't be tempted to be a ruthless, snarky schmuck, thinking it's the only way to Get Ahead. If you go to the Dark Side, then you'll find yourself working at New Line, snorting coke and helping to create bad movies with Ryan Reynolds and/or Paul Walker.

And, to me, that would be a fate I wouldn't wish on anyone as talented as you.

Sincerely,
Terry

Terry it is really just about the piss. I don't care two shits for the "industry" or anything that happens in it. In fact, I work in the creative dept of Consumer Products, not production now. And that woman works in licensing. So there is no hidden anxiety over anything, other than walking into a stall covered with someone else's urine. I do my job, and I do it well, but that's another story. And the only place I'm ever ruthless is on my blog. As anyone I've ever worked with will attest to, you'd be hard-pressed to find a more positive team member.

I sympathize with your plight... but why not add brio to your fairly conventional rant by sharing an instructional photo of yourself peeing in dainty, competent fashion? Unclear what connection you think exists between peeing and vaginas.

I knew I was bound to offend at least one person; you never know who's got an enormous vagina.