Blood and Guts: Helena Lazaro: Not a very good explanation

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Not a very good explanation

December 7, 2005 03:25 PM

Obviously I've been down in the dumps for a while. I feel good and happy a lot of the time, too. I've met some great people lately. But whenever I end up alone, I start thinking about things too much and making myself mopey.

The other day, I was in the grocery store and I started crying over a Roma tomato. Yes. A tomato. I mean, there's more to it than that. I was remembering when I learned how to chop them. The boyfriend I lived with for two years taught me how. Every time I prepare them, I think of him patiently showing me how to take out the seeds of a Roma tomato. And I feel a little sad. But now it's expanded to just SEEING the goddamn tomatos in the grocery store. That's what has started happening when I grocery shop alone. I look at the produce and remember meals we made together. All the things we shared.

I am now officially in the not-talking-anymore place with my ex. We were very close for as long as a year after the breakup. Then a slow growing apart. Occasional phone chats to play catchup. I didn't want that, I have no room for superficial relationships or bullshit in my life. But it seemed that he only had the capacity for one true and deep friend. Once he found a new one, there was no place for me in his life. Only a spectator spot.

This is a new lesson for me. I'd never been with anyone that way. I was sure that someone I loved so much would always be close to me. How can you mark someone that deeply, and then just drift away? How can you spend years and years together, and one day be strangers? I'm struggling to understand it, realize that people do it all the time. They get divorced, they disown family, they break up, they go to foreign countries and never come home again.

I know this is the only real chance I'll have of moving on. I've been keeping everyone outside, all the love I needed came from him. I couldn't imagine someone new ever meaning as much to me. Now I'm forced to come to terms with it all. Yes, you can love someone and intend to spend your life with them, then not. They can be your best friend and wind up a phone call that comes once every four months. And no matter how much they mean it when they make a promise, sometimes they just can't keep it.

So, now what?

Thanks for listening, even though you don't really have a choice.

More why i need therapy

Comments

I believe you mean "RomaN TomatoEs..."

Posted by: Dan Quayle on December 7, 2005 05:21 PM

Nope. I meant Roma, that's what they're called. They may also be referred to as Roman, but I've never seen it. As far as the other, you say tomatoes...I say tomatos.

Let's call the whole thing off.

Posted by: Helena on December 7, 2005 05:37 PM

I am sorry to hear that you are feeling down in the dumps.

If there is anything that we can do to help out, let us know. We are here for you, by choice!

Posted by: Jewels on December 8, 2005 04:55 PM

If you find an answer to that question, let me know.

In the meantime, keep writing.

Posted by: claire on December 8, 2005 07:40 PM

it's true. we make promises that in the moment we intend (sometimes with all our heart) to keep. and sometimes it just doesn't work out. this is a big reason why i am scared of commitment (and marriage).

i have faith you will figure this one out.

Posted by: ms. sizzle on December 10, 2005 08:59 PM

Someone with a heart as good and pure as yours is going to end up being ok in the end.

Cold hearted snakes like me with me left wondering where we went wrong.

Stay the course, muchacha.

Posted by: AJ on December 10, 2005 10:40 PM

We always run across those in our lifes who we think are the ONE, but in reality there just there to prepair us for the real person who really is going to come along. You'll always have one false love before your Ture one..

Take what you learned from him and cherish it, better to have had then never know what could have been...

Posted by: Glen on December 12, 2005 12:28 PM

We've gone round and round on this topic. I won't speak for him but will give a comment from his side of the aisle, as my break up mirrored yours in a lot of ways. My ex and I split up two years ago now and I finally stopped returning calls, texts and emails this past October and it has nothing to do with a lack of love for her or my disregard for the time we spent together. I would love to be able to maintain a friendly relationship with her, but it's simply not realistic. Think of it this way: no matter how much you may deny it, if you dated a guy that was still great friends with someone he was with in a long term relationship - I'm not talking about someone they dated for a few weeks or months - in some way it would eat at you and in the end it would hurt the relationship. I don't regret a day I spent with my ex and there are still parts of her that I love and parts of my life with her that I know I will always miss. But the fact is that she is a part of my past and has to remain so for me to move forward for myself and the other people I bring into my life.

Also where she differs from you is in the fact that she is a manipulative lunatic, so there's that too.

Posted by: bill on December 27, 2005 02:25 PM

Thanks guys for all of your supportive and insightful comments. I appreciate the fact that you still come by, even though this page has been teh suck for so long now.

Posted by: Helena on December 27, 2005 03:25 PM