First and Last

By the age of 10 I was obsessed with the idea of the Secret Admirer, as I'd come to know it through so many volumes from the Young Adult section of the public library. I consider this proof that reading ahead of grade level can actually be detrimental to a child's development.

I daydreamed about romantic scenarios incessantly. I wished to one day find a single rose on my windowsill when I came home from school. On Valentine's Day I checked my box thoroughly, hoping to discover an elaborate, mysterious lace heart buried at the bottom.

Eventually, I realized that it was unlikely for me to be Secretly Admired anytime soon. So I took matters into my own hands.

I found myself a subject in the 5th grade. His name was Matt Edmonds, and at that time I think he might have been considered the second most popular boy in class (Christopher Alletta was holding sway that year). I wrote him poems copied out of books onto tracing paper using flawless calligraphy, and had them slipped into his desk when he wasn't looking. In order to do this, I orchestrated impossibly complex schemes, involving such a convoluted chain of people and events that I was sure no one would ever discover me.

Of course, my real hope was that he would be driven to unmask my true identity--certain that we were fated--because even though I was a book worm and he was a student council kind of guy, anyone who admired him with such delicate penmanship and sweetly perfumed stationery must be a creature unlike any other.

Then I found out that he'd known all along, but he didn't stop me
because his friends thought
it was funny.