So since I've been on leave from work (explained below if you haven't heard), I've had a lot of time to discover things about myself (read: overanalyze EVERYTHING ten times MORE closely than usual).

Before I get into that, let me give you a small recap of what has been going on since I dropped off the face of the blog world.

In late November I met this guy that I really liked, and started spending pretty much every waking moment with him because he was supposed to leave the country in early January. I thought it would be relatively harmless; how attached could I get in one month? Well, early January came and went, and he stayed. I got close. Pretty close. The date for his departure was uncertain. And suddenly, he was told to pack his things and go immediately. He was gone within a week and it was all very whirlwindy, so there wasn't much time to prepare. That's what my mopey sad poem down there was about.

I haven't heard from him much lately (for reasons I'm sure he can't control, and I don't blame him), and I'm not certain how much longer I can go on investing feelings in a relationship that, for all intents and purposes, exists mainly as a memory.

So there's that.

On the work front, my studio has been going through round after round of layoff, not really set to end anytime soon. The ups and downs were taking a toll on my health and mood, and time off was primarily intended to help get my focus back, decide where I want to go from here, and move out of this overpriced apartment. I toyed with the idea of leaving the country to teach abroad after hearing amazing reports from several friends who had done so. But then I worried that I was only considering that option because it would delay my having to cope with the matters at hand. And, although I may hide once in a while, I don't want to run away.

Ok...so I haven't exactly moved out yet. Or decided where I want to go from here.

BUT!

I did find out that I make really great Pad Thai, and Yellow Curry! I also found out that the Asian market sells LOTS of interesting and mysterious fish products, from crackers to jellies, AND there's a karaoke machine right out front! It's awesome. I have been looking for excuses to try new recipes, which I find in the form of brave guinea pigs willing to sample my attempts at exotic cuisine (which is saying a lot, considering the fact that I still haven't been able to master a grilled cheese).

Strangely, so far, things have turned out well. My Pad Thai subject on Friday thought that it was delish (though he was unfamiliar with the dish). And I haven't had anyone to second the motion yet, but I move that my Yellow Curry is freakin' awesome.

I now have a pantry well-stocked with fishy, soy-y, noodley things to have on hand for the next time the inspiration strikes--which is likely to be soon. The more I learn cooking, the more confident I am, and the more I want to try new things.

I know this all might sound kinda lame, like wow Helena, this is what you have to talk about after weeks of silence?

But it's not just about food (although food is beautiful). It's an important lesson for me. There was something I was convinced I wasn't good at, something I really thought I couldn't do. And all I had to do was honestly try it, put some effort into it and risk scorching a pan or two--to find out it was actually one more strength I had, and not another weakness.