Today I was out in Burbank and decided to run a couple of errands I'd been putting of for ages. One was to drop by my old production office and pick up tapes of the shows I worked on (since I'm cable-less and don't get MTV...yeah I know I'm really missing out). The other was to pick up an item I'd took to be framed in March. Of 2005. It's a series of animation cells that were given to me back when I worked at the front desk at MTVn's corporate office. Bill Oakley and Josh Weinstein came in for a meeting, and I remarked how much I loved Mission Hill. They were surprised I'd even heard of it. A few days later, Josh came back with three cells and a background for me. I was thrilled! It sat in a folder for almost a year. Then I took it to the frame shop, near the office I worked at in Burbank. They made a mistake in framing it. I left it another few weeks. Then the gig was over and I started working in Hollywood. And then it was just out of the question. Go to Burbank? On a weekday? Way over THERE? Yeah, that's gonna happen.

They've been calling me once a month for a year. Actually, JoAnne has been calling. I feel like I know her. Sometimes we talk, sometimes she just leaves me a message. I give an excuse and apology, say I'll be there to pick it up any day now.

Well, that day was today. I parked in front of the shop and actually got nervous. What if JoAnne decided to lecture me, like a dentist, about having neglected this task for so long? In I went, to the pick-up area. A young girl approached me, and I felt relieved. JoAnne sounds older, at least late 40's, she has a sort of smoky voice. She asked my last name, and I said, "Lazaro. I think maybe I'm a little famous around here."

The girl, and a voice behind me said at the same time, "Oh, YES!" I turned to see the woman that must be JoAnne regard me over her glasses.

I began apologizing profusely. I'm so sorry, it's just that I'm not in this area much anymore, actually I'd been out of the country for a while, actually I go out of the country fairly regularly, and that's why I haven't had time to stop by. I heard the apology become a small fib, then a pack of lies, leaping out of my mouth with a life of their own, entirely beyond my control.

"Oh really?" asked the girl while JoAnne pulled my frame off the shelf, "Where do you go?"

Questions. She was asking questions! What to do..."Oh, you know. Africa, India, wherever." Had I said that? I've never been to Africa. Or India. And who talks like that? Douchebags, that's who. I'd become a lying douchebag in order to avoid the judgment of total strangers. This was WAY worse than saying, "Why, of course I floss regularly."

The girl looked at me with big eyes, "Wow, that must be really cool."

"Yeah," I told her, "It's ok."

I took my shrink-wrapped frame and scurried back to the car. I couldn't believe what I'd just done! It reminded me of being 17, making up fake identities with my girlfriends before we went out, things to tell boys when they were asking about us. Ok, I'll be Luna, and I go to Whittier College and I'm studying to be a teacher. No, wait, a doctor. Yeah.

It had been so long since I told anyone something about myself that was fabricated, that I almost forgot it was even possible. Almost exhilarating. Not that I plan to make a habit of it. The problem with me and lying is that I don't remember things. Even things that are true. So things that aren't true, I mean, I haven't got a chance. In spite of my poor lying skills, I can't help but feel I'm missing out on something...I could be anyone I wanted to. Although ultimately, I guess I'm crazy enough without delusions of grandeur thrown into the mix.