Blood and Guts: Helena Lazaro
Ever so tired.
November 17, 2006 11:48 AM

Things I'm Bad At:
Waiting
Bullshit
Holding back
Playing games
Keeping my tongue
Pretending

Things I'm Good At:
Overanalyzing
Worrying
Openness
Sincerity
Vulnerability
Gut-spilling


It's no wonder I'm a disaster when it comes to dating. There are all these...structures, this kind of obstacle course, that you have to go through in order to get anywhere. There's a constant shifting of power. A delicate balance of disinterest and availability that must be struck. Seemingly endless multiple choice questions must be answered correctly in order to advance. The games are complicated, the rules unwritten. They mostly involve hiding our feelings, our fears. Expressing these things makes us weak, and therefore undesireable. So we're supposed to just swallow them down and grope blindly, trying to pin the tail on this bullshit donkey.

This isn't new territory. Not for me, or for you. It's the same old story and I don't know why I'm ever surprised. I guess it's that sometimes I start to think I've struck a deal with someone, that neither of us is going to play, but it turns out that is, like, the ultimate move. Get them to believe you're not playing...then leave them in the dust. And you might ask, Why? Why would someone do such a thing? Because fuck em, that's why!


More dudes suck
Comments

Amen, sister. This is just what I've been feeling lately.

Posted by: savia on November 18, 2006 03:35 PM

Weakness isn't undesirable - it's a human characteristic, everyone has their own strengths and things that they're not so hot at. It only becomes an issue if you want to come out as the winner, and if there's a winner and a loser then you've been playing a game. If that's the case, then it's self evident that the more you gamble on the outcome and the higher the stakes, the more exciting the game will be. The nature of playing games will always mean that some you win, some you lose. If you don't want to put up with that cycle then there's only one thing you can do - stop playing games. Or rig the deck in advance, but that takes all the fun out of it!

Your list of 'Things I'm Good At' is way too short anyway.

Posted by: J on November 19, 2006 05:31 PM
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