I.
Very soon I'll see someone I haven't seen in a long long time. I know they can't stay. I find myself thinking ahead to when they'll be gone again and how sad it will make me. I know it's just a way to protect myself, but I often feel frustrated by my inability to "live in the moment" the way that some people do.
II.
Recently I decided that moving forward, when faced with the choice between half or nothing, I will choose nothing. Because I want it all, or not at all. After exercising this decision for the first time, I'm filled with a mixture of sadness and pride. Proud I set a standard for myself that I won't compromise. Sad because a part of me still whispers, "You should have taken half!" I know that that part will eventually get tired of being ignored and leave. But until then I can't help feeling a tiny pang of self-doubt. Like maybe I should have kept my mouth shut and taken what I could get.
III.
You know, when I write it out like that, it looks so ridiculous that the pang goes away.
IV.
If I got paid for scaring boys away, I'd be rich. Rich enough to commission a team of scientists to build me a fearless robot boy. But I bet a robot boy would not be as fun to kiss. Especially not as fun as a Cancer. So I guess it's kind of a moot point.
More dudes suck
Robot boys always go rusty, they're rubbish. It's something to do with the salt that's present in tears. They are pretty handy for opening difficult jars and such though. It's not really worth it when you factor in all of the tetanus shots and so on.
And you know damn well that if you always settle for half, that's all people will ever offer. You get what you pay for in this world, so no point selling high quality shit at knockdown prices!
Posted by: J on December 20, 2006 05:11 AMAs usual, you're too kind :) And you're right. But, for the record, you'd make an excellent model for the prototype. I'd have to keep you under observation for a while, though. Close observation.
Posted by: Helena on December 20, 2006 12:42 PMWhy does everything in life always boil down to Weird Science in the end?
On the robot front, maybe I could just put some boxes and tinfoil on myself and fool you long enough for you to take me home?
Do you know what I want? A wooden robot. They always seem to be made from space-age crap, I want one that has been hewn from solid beech by someone with real skill. I want it to move and speak realistically - i.e. intelligently but like a robot should be, not like a person. I want it to be sentient and self aware. Oh, and I want it all for 9.99 of course. That's capitalism for you.
Posted by: J on December 20, 2006 04:46 PMScaring away boys is not a bad thing... you can always coax them back... its the ones that you can't scare away that may have the problems.
Posted by: Batonga on December 21, 2006 05:10 AMI don't know that you try to scare boys away. We all have walls we put up. I don't ask anything of you, and I give very freely. You are not alone out there.
Posted by: Ryan on December 22, 2006 12:31 AMfind yourself a merman. @ least they couldnt escape.
Posted by: gabe on December 22, 2006 09:31 PM
About me? I'm one big, raw, exposed fucking nerve. What else is there to know?New Rule
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